Don't know what to say other than i recently lost my father, Now that is not as much of a shock to my life as it should have been. I lost my biological Father. He was not a bad person. I did love him. I just did not know him very well. Kind of like a distant uncle instead of a father figure. I have a wonderful Step dad (hate that term actually). David lynn Farr. That was his name. I guess i am more upset that i did not get to know him better. That i did not get to forgive him for all the things he did when i was young, or things he didn't do. Most of his family (my family?) are oblivious to his past indiscretions.
When i was about 5 i guess. i remember him coming home drunk, he stumbles through the living room. I woke up cause he was being noisy. I remember him peeing in the plant we had in the living room. guess he could not find the bathroom. At the time i thought this was so funny. i talked about it for weeks, much to the embarrassment of my mother. I remember only a few years later he would come home drunk late, my mother had long ago put up the dinner food. He got mad started yelling. He felt she should have dinner on the table hot for him no matter the time he came home. He taught her a lesson that night. I kept my little sister in her room so she didn't have to see. That kept up for years. I do not remember him actually coming home and not being drunk. I am sure it happened. I just don't remember a time he didn't walk in the door and within minutes start yelling and ranting, stinking of beer. Now don't get me wrong, i am not whining, i am not asking for people to feel sorry. This stuff is all past me. Behind in some other life.
When i was ten he left. My mom had enough, she divorced him and he left the state. Went to California, To avoid child support. My aunt helped him. I knew all about it. I was only ten, but knew instead of paying a little bit of money to help support me and my sister he would rather hide out in California and work under the table for my aunt. Now before any of my Family on his side jump in. I knew all this because Grandma Farr bragged about it. She thought it was so nice my aunt was "helping" davy. I would have rather had a dad who was here and broke than one who missed all but 2 of my Birthdays since i was 10.
So years later, i was grown up, had a wife. I get a call David is coming to Houston he wants to see me. So i blow off a few things and make plans to go out to Houston to see him, About a 40 minute drive or so. When i show up at his hotel and find him. We talk for a few minutes and i can already tell we have nothing in common. I brought my wife so she could meet him. He was not interested. Instead he wanted to see my sister, to talk about her. Which was fine at first. I told him about her. Things he missed, what she was doing. How she was. He wanted to go out to Baytown to see her. (WTF not say you could meet us in Baytown in the first place is beyond me) So we left. Drove another 40 minutes to Baytown. I got a hold of my mom and made planes for my sister to be dropped off at a local restaurant. So we waited. He said nothing the whole time until my sister showed up. When she got there me, her and my wife talked like we always do. He sat there until a break in the conversation. Then he acted like she was 5 years old (she was in high school) and tried to baby talk to her. And act like she was "daddies girl" My sister is not an idiot, quite the opposite. She looked at this man she barely knew like he was crazy, but tried to be nice. The night was very uncomfortable until he left. then we drove my sister home and talked about how odd the whole thing was.
My sister has said she always felt bad for how he acted like this towards us. He wanted little to do with me and treated her like a child that he was always there for.
We have talked and we think he felt guilty for the things i saw him do, and how he ran out on our lives. that he felt she was too little to really know what he had done.
So he went back to California, a few years later he contacts us saying he is moving back to Texas and will live about 45 minutes south of us. Basically i was excited at first, but it quickly became more of the same as that night. My sister didn't really go around him a lot, a combination of his drinking and his new girlfriend. When i did he acted like he wanted to see me and my kids but would not talk or chat. Would just sit there and stare off while steadily drinking.
So a few years pass and he offers to buy my sister a house. She is no idiot so she accepts. He needs to stay there for a bit though. So she says fine. Maybe they can build a relationship. It works for a bit, until he beings drinking heavily and bringing home very dirty women. (could not think of a better term, sorry)
Well they have a falling out after he meets a particularly nasty woman named Susan. She is dirty, rude and only with him for money. (oh i didn't mention? He had a very good job since i was little. Didn't spend a lot of money on stupid shit, so he always had money)
So he moves out and lets the house go back. I didn't hear from him for over a year. He married the money grubber Susan. He kept drinking. Got Cancer. He got sick of her and filed for Divorce and that's when we we heard from him again. She had moved away and he was getting a divorce. But now he had Cancer and who knew how long he had. (he didn't talk to us) My sister had to find out things through a friend of his all the time, because he would not talk to us as adults.
So he got worse, we tried to be there for him. When Susan heard he was doing so bad she told him she could get him into a Doctor in Mexico that could help him. So since nothing else was gonna work he believed her. The Divorce was not final yet, so maybe she had some other plan? Well seems she did. He moved down to South Texas to where her daughter lived and Susan had not even contacted the Doctor. Wasn't going to. Never intended to.
She he was all set to die. Susan decided it would be better to barely feed him, give his things to her daughter and her husband, (like his truck so David could not leave) and since he was not able to get around so well she kept him in front of the TV and fed him fast food if she remembered. I was told the only reason he didn't press for divorce at this point is because of his weakened condition and he was scared she would do something to hurt him if he did.
When some of his family (my family?) came to visit they went out to eat and David didn't feel up to going. Susan talked about me and my sister as if we only tried to build relationship with him when he was getting sick. As if we didn't want anything to do with him up to that point. Less than a two weeks later he died.
I only found out because my sister went to see him. I doubt Susan would have told us. So he was cremated Susan of course didn't want the ashes.They are being sent to my sisters house. We are not sure what we are going to do with them. I only regret not telling him i forgive him and wish he would have given me a chance to build a relationship with him and but his guilt aside.
Not much else to say. Just needed to get this all out. I have not really talked about it yet, so instead of filling Jessica's ear with it i felt i would write it out and just send it out into the void.
